IPL'S JOKES FOR THE DAY~

**IronpumpedLady** · #1 (**permalink**) 05-12-2009

MARRIAGE VS DATING~

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your
husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going
to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"

When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me
alone???"

When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no
reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old
together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage
area.

When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.

When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to
others as "She."

_______________________________

THE NEWLYWED GAME~

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess.
The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."

So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat cheated.

The husband says, "I can deal with that."

He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! You are small, but I love you
anyway."

The husband says, "I have something to confess also."

She says, "No matter what I will still love you."

He says, "Okay. I am built like a baby down there."

She says, "I can deal with that."

So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she
finally gets up.

She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"

He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

__________________________
BUG ON THE WINDOW

A man and his wife are driving down the highway having a fight over the
husband sleeping with another woman. The wife takes out a knife and cuts of the
mans penis and throws it out the window. The penis splats onto the windshield of
the car that is following and rolls off. The 14 year old girl riding with her
dad says "What was that Dad?" The father says "It was just a bug honey". The
daughter replies "Wow Dad, that bug sure had a big dick".

_______________________

THE WIFE~
The distressed-looking man had downed several drinks in rapid succession
before the bartender asked him, "you trying to drown your sorrows, buddy?"

"you could say that," the guy replied.

"it usually doesn't work, you know."

"no s***," the man moaned. "i can't even get my wife anywhere near the water!"

Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL