A FEW FOR THE LADIES~~

Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.

Q. How do men exercise at the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. "I can do better than this."

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. What’s the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A. A hot dog and a six-pack.

Q. What’s the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. ET phoned home.

Q. What’s a man’s idea of helping with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

________________________________


Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to
repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
_______________________________
REDNECK DEFINED

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year”.

You've been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado.

You're probably a redneck if you can burp and say your name at the same time.
________________________

BLONDE DIET

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked
for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days
"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet.
Then skip the third day."

So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the
first two days, then she skipped the third day.

The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"


She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard.
Doing all that skipping made me really tired."
_________________________________

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get
here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been
no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"



STAY STRONG~~!!!
IPL

__________________
OBAMA
O one B bad A ass M mistake A America

NO RESOLUTIONS~!! JUST SOLUTIONS~!!
STAY STRONG AND HEALTHY~!

PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY~

http://www.xtremebodybuilding.net/in...referrerid=146

That last one was awesome lol.

LMAO Those are funny glad to have you back IPL

Haha, i like the last one the best...

__________________
"THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS...is over 225 years of romping, stomping, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a bomb crater, Our Mother was an M-16 & Our Father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself."

The last one gets my vote too! good ones IPL