Weight Loss Tips

**Jasthace** · #1 (**permalink**) 07-19-2009

Don't Eat That!
Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!
Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!
Carry Large Helium Balloons
When eating donuts - only eat the center part.
Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale.
Keep a pit bull in the kitchen
Use Parental Block for the Food Network on your TV - Eat PIN Number/Password.
Eat your food with one chopstick
LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters.
Don't eat your evening meal before breakfast
Ladies - Drop 5 lbs. Instantly! Let go of your purse.
Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.
Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator Door.
Hang your bikini on the refrigerator.... definitely don't do that if you are a guy.
Remove wheels from your grocery cart.
When weighing yourself on the scale - try to defy gravity.
Use Superglue As Lip Gloss
Only eat food that you can catch & kill with a toothpick
Don't burn off fat with a candle.... a blow torch will work quicker.
Like the silent tree falling in the forest.... food actually has no calories if no one sees you eating it
Cut back on your food intake if you weigh more than your refrigerator.
50 Lb. Cellphones
Do 600 Tweets per hour. Move over 6 pack abs.... 6 pack fingers is the new rage (Note - Only Twitter users may get that one)
Unfollow some calories (another Twitter-related one that may go over your head)
If you can't pronounce the ingredients.... you probably shouldn't eat it.
Swap dinner dishes with your pet - Kibbles n' Bits & Little Friskies make great appetite suppressants.
Eat that prime rib roast with a straw
Set a goal to lose as much weight as your stock portfolio has done in the last year.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.
Running to the refrigerator is not considered exercise.... unless it is a moving refrigerated truck.
You know you're overweight when your computer tells you that your @ is too big.
If you work at home.... walking to work should not be considered as daily exercise.

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**IronpumpedLady** · #2 (**permalink**) 07-19-2009

Have you actually tried and proven these techniques? LOL

Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

**XTREME** · #3 (**permalink**) 07-19-2009

^^^LOL

HAHAHA LOL Nice tips, I already eat naked staring into the mirror and it does work lol.

**TestFreak** · #4 (**permalink**) 07-21-2009

LMFAO Great tips man!

**IronpumpedLady** · #5 (**permalink**) 07-21-2009

This is a true story, I have a patient thats coming to me for therapy, and she was asking me nutritional questions, and asked if I'd like to know what her weight loss secret was, so I politely said sure,...she told me when she ate she pictured bugs (like roaches) in her food so she wouldn't eat so much~!! Needless say, I didn't say anything!

Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

**XTREME** · #6 (**permalink**) 07-21-2009

^^^LOL I guess if it works do it lol it is usually true about fast food.

**papertowel18** · #7 (**permalink**) 07-22-2009

i just printed that list out...im leaving it at work tomorrow lol. Thank you sir.

**Jasthace** · #8 (**permalink**) 07-22-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by IronpumpedLady

Have you actually tried and proven these techniques? LOL

Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

Only the handbag one

**Jasthace** · #9 (**permalink**) 07-22-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by papertowel18

i just printed that list out...im leaving it at work tomorrow lol. Thank you sir.

Post up this one too bro

HURT FEELINGS REPORT

ANSWER QUESTIONS BY CIRCLING THE APPROPRIATE ANSWER.
DATE:____________________________
TIME OF HURT FEELINGS:______________________ AM/PM
A. WHICH PART OF BODY WERE HURT FEELINGS INFLICTED THROUGH: EYES – EARS — BOTH
B. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE: YES ?NO
C. DID YOU NEED A TISSUE FOR THE TEARS: YES ?? NO
REASON FOR FILING THIS REPORT:
1. I AM THIN SKINNED: YES NO
2. I AM A PUSSY: YES NO
3. I HAVE WOMAN LIKE HORMONES: YES NO
4. I AM A QUEER: YES NO
5. I AM A LITTLE BITCH: YES NO
6. I AM A CRY-BABY: YES NO
7. I WANT MY MOMMY: YES NO
8. ALL OF THE ABOVE: YES(circle this one since most likely all apply)
NAME OF ‘ REAL MAN’ WHO HURT YOUR FEELINGS: ___________________
IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HUG GO HOME TO MOMMY AND LET HER HUG YOU AND CHANGE YOUR DIAPER. IF YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE TO SOOTHE YOU PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER: (800) CRY-BABY OR (888) SIS-GIRL
GIRLY-MAN WHO FILED REPORT: __________________________________
SIGNATURE OF GIRLY-MAN: _______________________________________
REAL MAN (person being brought up on charges) ________________________
SIGNATURE OF REAL MAN: ________________________________________
MOD OR ADMIN SIGNATURE: _______________________________

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**body_by_donuts** · #10 (**permalink**) 07-22-2009

wtf.....

**Dr X** · #11 (**permalink**) 07-22-2009

Those are great

#12 (**permalink**) 07-24-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasthace

Post up this one too bro

HURT FEELINGS REPORT

ANSWER QUESTIONS BY CIRCLING THE APPROPRIATE ANSWER.
DATE:____________________________
TIME OF HURT FEELINGS:______________________ AM/PM
A. WHICH PART OF BODY WERE HURT FEELINGS INFLICTED THROUGH: EYES – EARS — BOTH
B. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE: YES ?NO
C. DID YOU NEED A TISSUE FOR THE TEARS: YES ?? NO
REASON FOR FILING THIS REPORT:
1. I AM THIN SKINNED: YES NO
2. I AM A PUSSY: YES NO
3. I HAVE WOMAN LIKE HORMONES: YES NO
4. I AM A QUEER: YES NO
5. I AM A LITTLE BITCH: YES NO
6. I AM A CRY-BABY: YES NO
7. I WANT MY MOMMY: YES NO
8. ALL OF THE ABOVE: YES(circle this one since most likely all apply)
NAME OF ‘ REAL MAN’ WHO HURT YOUR FEELINGS: ___________________
IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HUG GO HOME TO MOMMY AND LET HER HUG YOU AND CHANGE YOUR DIAPER. IF YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE TO SOOTHE YOU PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER: (800) CRY-BABY OR (888) SIS-GIRL
GIRLY-MAN WHO FILED REPORT: __________________________________
SIGNATURE OF GIRLY-MAN: _______________________________________
REAL MAN (person being brought up on charges) ________________________
SIGNATURE OF REAL MAN: ________________________________________
MOD OR ADMIN SIGNATURE: _______________________________

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LOL this is killer!!!